What's Next?

How We Decided to Move Abroad.

The ungodly unknown. The remnants of the pandemic have left me with the question - How do we choose a path forward with certainty when we have witnessed that plans can be devastated in a moment? Like a game of double dutch I wait on the sidelines for the perfect intersection of space and rhythm to re enter life. This tension has been quietly shifting through my subconscious for the past couple years.

Adaptation was the key element to my survival in the past two years. The environment I was living in was suffocating me. When the noise, the limitation of space, the trill of sirens echoing long after they've ended, became too much we moved. We pivoted., we moved from Brooklyn to a quiet expanse in the mountains. We took on a slew of home projects that seemed never ending. The busyness challenged us- pushed us to our edge at moments, and also offered clear concrete tasks that we could focus on. The satisfaction of completion. The moment of pulling off the painters tape to reveal a perfect edge is a tonic that disarms the uncertainty of the world.

Since the start of this year the task list has begun to dwindle. With only three major projects left to finish this summer, we were left asking the question... What's next? Is this our forever place? The answer, for now, is no. It was exactly the quiet we needed when we first moved here, but it has started grating me, and him. The land is lush and beautiful. The community is warm , creative and welcoming. However motivation and energy is a struggle to muster, especially in the depth of winter. And when winter lasts 7 months, that struggle gets old real quick.

Due to the pandemic I have created a virtual practice. This was always a dream of mine, to be able to work in a way that offers flexibility of location. I am no longer location dependent. Together, my husband and I have built a house that is special , and offers solace from the busy city. It will now work and operate as an investment property which will hopefully gift even more flexibility. The ungodly unknown, becomes the ungodly openness. What a freaking privilege.

I believe honoring privilege lies in acknowledging it and using it to benefit the world around you. So we will share this space with future renters, and I will share our journey in words in order to maybe help someone else take a leap that feels impossible or frightening. Or like... just try a new food while traveling? Perhaps someone will find solidarity in fumbling through life changes. In following my unique dream I hope I can help others see their own more clearly.

Just yesterday in a client session I asked a patient who desires recognition in life "What do you want to be recognized for?" It sparked my own inquiry of the topic. I have distilled that my truest, most honest gift is embracing freedom and risk taking. I want to deprogram our society's belief that life has a prewritten script. That risk taking does not equate with irresponsible. Irresponsibility, to me, means continuing to live a lack luster life out of "responsibility" and denying our true nature to benefit the comfort of those around us.

So when asking myself, What's next? I was revisited by a dream. In the last decade there is one life experience I have pined over. Moving to a different country. Living in a place where I am challenged by the language. Where I can become fluent in another culture. To live differently, not only to live, but to live and create. I want to be changed by a place, and I want to share the truth about it. Even when it's ugly or vulnerable.

This dream was not always shared by my parter. He is someone who loves to come home. Home is essential to his Capricorn nature. When you are in partnership you have to make space for both persons dreams and wants. Compromise is one of the most valuable currencies in couple-hood. Moving here , away from the grit and energy of the city has been much harder for him that it has for me. I was born and raised in the countryside. Quiet mornings and lingering outside is second nature to me, but he was raised on the outskirts of Philadelphia, and the city beat matches his internal rhythm. He saw the benefit of owning a home, but he also knew that I was not doing well where we were. So he shifted. I am so grateful that he did.

Now, I thought " How the hell can I ask him to shift and uproot again?" I won't I decided. I would just ask what he was thinking about for the future. I would be curious, and see what he needs.

Except I completely failed at that, I am human, and found my thoughts flooding out of my mouth.

It was followed by " but there would have to be something in it for you. I won't go if it is not something you want. I am also open to the city, we can look at apartments back in NY." I exhaled.

He inhaled.

He said he needed time to think about it.

We thought, and rents climbed in New York. I did not want to go back to a place that felt tight and crammed and insanely expensive. For what? I lived that experience for 15 years. I loved it but I know it. It will always be there to return to.

We recently took a trip back to Brooklyn, it was potently evident that I had stepped off the ride that is New York. It was spinning too fast for me to step back on. I just don't want to move at that pace in this moment. Mike, to my surprise, felt the same. He didn't feel the want to return. He wants something different too. He looked at me with a question

" So... Where to? "

We started with an atlas and a glass of wine , naturally, and looked around the world. We made a list of countries we have visited that have sparked something in us.

I booked a coaching call with Jessica and Will of WorldTowning A family who offers guidance to individuals considering long term travel. They gave me the best piece of advice that serves as an anchor every time I feel overwhelmed with choice. "Start with a place that is most familiar, the challenges will be plenty , you wont have the extra time or headspace to spend an hour just staring at the shelves in a grocery store trying to make sense of what is in front of you."

When invited to consider ease of location it was clear that Visa wise Europe is the easiest option for us. I hold a dual citizenship to Italy and the US, and have a European passport. My husband and I have been married long enough that he also qualifies for citizenship, and will immediately be granted a residency visa within the first two months of arrival. This considerably narrowed the search. We bookmarked Mexico, Central and South America for later years.

The countries we are most familiar with in Europe are Spain, Italy, France, Portugal Ireland and Scotland. Any of these felt like a good "Entry Point" into living abroad.

Next was language - Being that I want to learn a foreign language we crossed English speaking countries off the list. I study Spanish frequently with my tutor/ friend Delia and visit Spain quite often. I also studied Italian in college as an adult and both my husband and I have Italian American backgrounds. I love France- but neither of us speak the language. Portugal was also a top contender, as they have a growing art and music scene, which is important to both of us, however the language felt trickier.

Spain or Italy. Italy or Spain. Curiously we both wondered how do we pick a city within the country? I am an experiential learner, so a few trips to visit are next.

As I write this I am packing and finalizing details for our last visit before we move. We are down to four potential cities, two in Spain, Two in Italy. We need to have the country and region of choice decided before mid July- as our two cats will be coming along for the ride, and they need proper vaccinations and a cat passport. Yes, you read that right a CAT PASSPORT. so adorable.

Currently, there are two truths I am struggling with. 1.) I am scared, and I can't believe I am scared. I live for travel. Yet there is something in the distance that feels HARD. Maybe its getting through a pandemic and fearing being separated from family. Maybe it's moving to a place with no community. Maybe it is moving somewhere we have to learn a new language. Whatever it is it does not change my second truth.

2.) I refuse to limit my life because of fear. When I ask myself- "Will you be more upset if you try it and do not like it or never try it because you were scared. It is the latter. I have proven that I can think fast, and adapt as needed. So can my partner. What I lack in trust for me I gain in the trust I have for him. We can do this. My family nickname was "the little scrapper" I trust in my fight, she's always been here, and in my intuition, because she's always been clear.

So off we go to unveil what's next.

Rebecca is an Art Therapist living in The Catskills... for now. Join The Mailing List for more articles coming soon.